Healing in Telling

I just read an article/survey list on what does the adoptees "hate" about being adopted and of course, I can relate to almost in the list.

Instead of listing things on what I hate about being adopted, I just thought of listing facts (Part 1) and some lies about me. So here, read on..

1. I have adoption letter. It was actually a deal letter, stating that I was given to my foster father in free will and she received "financial assistance" P1, 000 (my worth)
2. My birth name is Aleli.
3. My name Abigail (in Hebrew which means source of joy. Also from the word "Abba" or father) was given by my adoptive mother, a Methodist when I was to be enrolled in Kindergarten, 6 years old? I can still vividly recall, I was in their house practicing to write the name A-B-I-G-A-I-L
4. In my kindergarten diploma, my name was spelled "Abegail"
5. I grew up with names Jerelyn, Len and Nene. Not Abigail.
6. I was 5 months old when I was handed to my foster father
7. I was handed to him December, counting 5months backward, I was born July not December. No "birthdate". Tsk sayang.
8. I was born 1979 based from my adoption letter and not 1978 as per my birth certificate.
9. I have a fabricated birth certificate so I can be enrolled to Grade 1. My cousins birth certificate were tampered. Replaced the name and the birthdate
10. I was already 28 when I got my copy of my fabricated late registered Birth Certificate
11. Registered 1985 and I will be in school 1986
12. I was born out of Wedlock. Of sin. My birth father didn't want to recognized me as his child.
13. I was born in Calzada, Taguig (I took it literally, I thought "street", just found out there's really such a place in Taguig) not in Gubat, Sorsogon. I am not a Bicolana, I can only understand their conversation
14. My birth mother is from Brgy. Liberty Mayonga, Leyte. If she went back to Leyte after giving me away, she might be dead by now by typhoon Yolanda.
15. I was given (again, double jeopardy) by my foster father to his mother, whom I called as I grow up "Mama". He said if Mama will not accept me, he will give me away to anyone. thank God! Not on the 3rd time.
16. From my foster fathers place in Paranaque, Mama and Tita were in Fraternal, Quiapo when I was given to them and we lived, bounced and back to my tita's and titos but never to my foster parents place. I grew up to several places in Metro Manila. Project 8 Quezon City, Nangka Marikina, Mc Arthur Hway Caloocan, Paranaque, then finally Taguig (see the round about? I'm back to my birthplace!)
17. I never mastered my birth order. I am always counting up to this time!
18. No idea AT ALL of my foster mother's family background. Just found her middle name from my fabricated late registered birth certificate. I was already 28 then remember?
19. I never ever lived with my foster mother, father and 8 siblings
20. No idea of my foster parents birthdays, age and wedding anniversary. Even my sibling birthdays. No idea at all.

20 facts and lies. All only from 2 simple papers, my adoption letter and my fabricated birth certificate.

It's only the start of facts and lies.
It's only just a part of me. The list will continue.

How and why I was brought to my foster father?
When did I know I was adopted?
How I was growing as an adopted child?
How's my being adopted affected me? Emotionally and in relating to others?
What are the common issues of an adoptees will forever fight on?

Let the healing in telling begins..

Healing in Writing

I am marking this day as my day of letting my heart speak of my real heartbeat of being adopted. The truth and the lies I am living in.

This time, may the shouts and the noise from inside of me and from my mind may now be heard and hope to come across to whom it is intended. This is to those adoptees who are also going through same path as mine. But actually, the real thing is…this is my way to heal myself. As they said, there's "healing in writing."

I've read several articles on what an adoptees going through and been going through. Most are from China, Korea but I haven't read yet anyone from my country? Philippines. Our culture has it's way of accepting us and it could be helpful if we find our selves here to help and support each other. Support system. Only those who have the same shoes, style and fit can walk along and in cadence together.

So if you're an adoptee and reading this, feel free to go and read on and share and leave a piece of mark for me. Share how you are going through with the process, I would appreciate a lot because I need it. And you never know, it is when you think you're helping me, you are actually helping your self.

But if you're not an adoptee, and you're reading this and you are my friend,, relax, I intended to join you here in my journey. If I shared to you my story way back before, I am telling you, I really had a hard and deep thought on deciding to share with you the deepest of me because I want you to be my friend "by the heart" and not just by the road only. Be with me as I discover myself, struggles, victories and your help I would appreaciate in whatever way and manner (books, readings, stories, real personalities etc). But here's  just a warning, you'll be reading mostly my deeps and hurts as healing is taking place, but rest assured, I will try to look for the rainbow as I journey, in my after the storm.

In my process, this one thing I am holding on and I am sure of…

    " For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear;
    but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry Abba, Father." -Romans 8:15
   
Above all, it's the Lord, my Abba, Father.